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Blue Skies And Rainbows
I prepare for bed.
The sun has set in the west as an angel's tear haunts my nights.
Nights that were once filled with your voice.
It was then that I could recall my childhood, by
looking into your green eyes.
Eyes are the window to the soul, and tears are the fortress of the heart, but there's
something else, in your face, your body, something else that envolks.
I often wonder why I feel like I'm looking
into MY own soul when I look at you.
Why must you be so innocent?
If I wasn't in restraints, I'd run my fingers through your hair, and stare
a thousand days of eternity into your eyes.
Those days I hold you like a mother cradles her child
in the middle of the night. Those days I feel that you
belong to me.
Your heart pops out of your chest on those days.
Mirrors are but my one enemy. They foretell the real me.
Not what you see, but what God sees.
And I'd fight God himself to have one chance at being beautiful.
Force brutal happenings upon myself just to be so. Anger and fury
flow forth from my suicidal nightmares like blood into an empty bowl.
And maybe you'll pick flowers from fantasy's garden to
present to me on the day of my downfall, when my life becomes
separate from yours.
Fields of flowers that you brought to me,
plucked from your very soul, just to
comfort me. It's the only way you know how to.
Barbed wire surrounds my dreams, not letting them escape from the
kingdom where they reside, where you once were a lonely king, so long ago.
I can see the rain, and feel the summer's
breeze blow through my hair.
I've struggled for the truth and terrorized all that try to help...but you.
And I wish I could see my eyes like you see them. I wish I could
see the strangeness in them. So strange that only few can appreciate
their enchantment.
Perhaps you are strange enough to love them?
I never expected anyone to care.
I expected everyone to walk away....
but you.
Oh, and I have not forgotten how you once didn't even know that
I breathed the same air as you.
Emptiness and long, hard breaths are so blinding.
Silence, from you, is the loudest sound on Earth.
I waited here as long as I could, until fear forced me to face myself.
You seem to be so content with my being here. For once
I am content, too. If I could only see a tear in your
eye for me. A tear for what you know and feel.
What do you feel?
Do you see an angel when you look at me? I often
wish upon the wrong star and those nights, you
always get what I wished for. But I am content
loving you the way that you are.
Satisfaction is realization of a dream. At least I still have my dreams.
At least I can open my eyes in the morning and know what I want.
I live each day, each night, like it's the last one I
have here by you. Even though you're only a...
friend.
Yet somehow you're so much more. Like a soft wind on a warm day.
When I smell fresh flowers, or newly mown grass, I can see you there, in front
of me. Riding away into the sky on your dream.
But until I can tell you any of this, until I can let you read
it, I am stuck here in this poem. Until I can tell you that I love you.
More than you'll ever love me. More than you'll ever know. Because you are
my soul. I gave it to you so long ago, to keep safe for me.
As our friendship blooms, I wish it would explode,
become enveloped about us, not let us go.
Do you see an angel when you look at me?
This angel's tears fall constantly on my soft heart. Empty nights,
are filled with empty dreams of you.
To exchange a single breath with you. To feel your soul inside of me.
Your scent all over me. These images haunt my nights because I can't have you.
If you only knew. If you only taste as good
as you smell. If only for one kiss in eternity.
You are my best friend, my soul mate, my unrealizable dream. My body and my soul.
Yet you know none of this. Maybe you will bring me flowers.
Maybe you will explode from the inside-out.
Maybe, in love, you can.
So I surprise you, one last time as one last attempt at getting your attention.
I leave it above your bed to read. I leave it for you to remember me by.
Telephone, but you never call anymore. Not a letter.
You never write.
You're just here, close enough to remind me of what I can never have.
Your scent rages through my mind and catches
my eyes and draws them back to yours. Finally, I think
I might have found you, in your comical smile,
somewhere in my life.
I watched you walk away from me. And I asked myself, "Do dreams end this way?"
You didn't even flinch. Just turned around and flashed
your smile in my direction.
Swaying like the trees do. I often feel you next to me, even when I know you're
not there. I often wish you were...
part of me.
Only after confiding in you will I be released from the ink
that binds me to these pages.
All that is Holy inside of me is what I have never done. I would give you
my last gift if you would give me yours. You keep it tucked away as I do,
waiting for the exchange.
Do you see an angel when you look at me?
You once said you could look into my eyes forever. But my blink keeps you away.
A blink. A split second in eternity. It keeps us apart.
An emotional touch, letting you. Fine lines fill my face
as age takes over . As age forces us to return to our childhood features.
Childhood is where you take me now. Games, laughs, tears, and pain.
And it reminds me of what I have to look forward to again.
So, as this moment nears, and you approach me,
I will tell you what I want you to know.
You're here, in front of me. Your hand in mine, and your lips are...
close enough to touch.
But you take over the situation.
I can see the fear in your eyes.
I can hear your soul ask your heart if its ready.
Ready to return to me, to my dreams.
And as you ask me to join you, I do what is right for me
for you
for us....
I walk away. And I don't even look back.
And you are calling me, I can hear you. There are tears in your
voice, as there once was in mine.
This confession of my love is but one chapter, but one verse, but one...
word.
But don't bother yourself with questions that can't be answered.
Don't cry for me. You never did before. Why should now be any different?
At least you brought me flowers.
And you turn and walk away.
The same night that led me to you, led me away, beckoning me to let go.
Let go. But if I was going to let go, so were you. If I was going to lose,
so were you.
I've fallen in a crack in forever, where the rains fall to the skies.
Sorry that sorrow fills my nights? Sorry that you didn't cry sooner?
So I turn around, knowing what we are missing,
knowing what we are about to do.
Knowing that walking away is wrong.
Knowing that staying is right.
I return to you.
But before you can kiss me,
before you can finally love me...
The lights come on too soon, and the sun shines through the window as
it rises from the east.
A dream?
I reach over to the pillow next to me, but only find air.....
and...
what is left of your cologne from the night before.